I think that I am sick of the lack of knowledge among people who belong to a population that is in the majority;
the people who have not known minority;
the feeling of inferiority;
the questioning of identity solely based on appearance.
On the one hand,
I’m sick of not understanding
why you can’t get it through your head
that a person can be a combination
of a multitude of cultures and identities,
that is to say that I can be like you
at the same time that I am unlike you,
and only a little bit like you,
but still like you.
On the other hand,
I’m sick of knowing,
sick of having to take your ignorance into consideration,
sick of being uncomfortable for you by only being me,
who I am
and who I was raised to be.
I’m sick of you not understanding me
and of not trying to understand me.
I’m sick of you not even showing any interest in who I am
and what it’s like to be me,
in opposition to what it is like to be you.
And I want to talk,
to educate you
and to understand myself better
because basically, I’m sick of not knowing who I am.
I’m sick of being told who you think I am,
who you want me to be,
who you think I should be,
but most of all of you insisting that I am who you want me to be
when I just told you the opposite.
I’m really sick
of you claiming to better know who I am
than I do myself.
I am sick of all your egos
and society’s general values that prevent me from saying straight to your face what a jerk you are.
And when I still do,
I’m sick of,
somewhat from a gender perspective even,
being judged to be the troublemaker,
because maybe I did knee you in the groin,
but you sure as hell started the fight by taking that choke-hold on me!
I’m sick of being ridiculed because I know more than you.
I’m sick of you not having an insight into who you are
and what you just did to me and the other people around you.
And if I haven’t said it straight out yet, I’m sick of being stereotyped.
I’m also sick of being elevated to the skies
because you suddenly have access to someone who is one of “them”.
Go find your own truth!
I can’t possibly represent and speak for everyone.
I might try because I know that my version is closer to their own than yours is,
but I’m still just me, and that’s all that I can be.
In plain English, I’m just sick of your god-damned ignorance.
But most of all I’m sick of myself,
for not allowing myself to find out who I really am,
for taking refuge behind that great wall of defense against your nervous attacks as though
you were cramped up in a corner all alone with the whole world against you,
because what would I be if it weren’t for all of your assumptions about me?
If you hadn’t made me question my identity…?
Then again I’m proud,
because in all this “sick-ness”, I grow strong.
I grow to be stronger than you.
But I’m sick of people being envious of who I am today
because I am, by a matter of age in numbers, still so young.
Because they don’t know all I’ve been through.
My soul is old and wise.
And sometimes people think they’re smart because they feel that I am only
defending one side, the one they can’t relate to,
but I always have them fooled ‘cause I got it covered.
I always know why I do what I do
and from what perspective this may be more or less correct and why.
So just drop it and listen and learn from me.
Put your egos to the side and *belittling laughter* what an easy job I’d have!
Text: Madeleine Romero, Foto: Alex Hinchcliffe
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